Alex Pitschka was born in a teepee and spent his first conscious hours rubbing his bald, mosquito bitten head on a tree trunk. He began his Hollywood career at a very young age by writing the first (and BEST) sequel to the movie "Star Wars." It was titled "The Return of Darth Vader" and opened with a dramatic scene in which Darth Vader flies his spaceship to his cousin's house. Sadly, the story sort of fell apart after that, and the text became covered with tiny, crayon doodles of exploding TIE fighters.

After decades of remarkably similar efforts, Alex managed to nail down a steady job as the creative director for an advertising agency specializing in trailers and TV spots for motion pictures. Who'da thunkit?